it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
