So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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