We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
