But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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