I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
