The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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