at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
