So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
