Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
