All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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