You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
