im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
