Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
