So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
