I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
