We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
