I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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