i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
