I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
The beer is more important than you right now.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
