someone get that fucking seahorse.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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