I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
