sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
