So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
