Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
