there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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