I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
