so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
