All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
