I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
