Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
