It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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