so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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