Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
