nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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