I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
