What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
