She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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