worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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