wrigley field is MILF paradise
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Pooping to opera.
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