Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
