need another drink. this is the easiest way
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
