Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Everyone says I win the strip club
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize
