i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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