I think scott just propositioned me for sex
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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