i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
