just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
