Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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