I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
