Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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