i'm signing you up for texting rehab
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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