i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
