based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
