It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
