Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
