I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
