I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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