So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
