My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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