I'm really into asian looking animals
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
